Economic Stimulus Payment

[Niner Alpha]

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment.
This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and
A format:

Q What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? "
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money? "
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? "
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment? "
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition
TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ? "
A. Shut up."

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by
spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China .

If you spend it on gasoline, it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .

If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras,
and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car, it will go to Japan .

If you purchase useless crap, it will go to Taiwan .

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America .
You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to
a baseball game, or spend
it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the
only businesses still in the US.

(Late Update. Budweiser brands now belong to a foreign company. Stimulus better hurry because we are sinking fast.)