Some are, some aren't..............

If you have a joke or funny story this is the place. ADULT HUMOR ALLOWED... with some exceptions possible.
User avatar
Niner Delta
Global Moderator Sponsor 2011-2017
Posts: 503
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2002 12:54 pm
Location: Sequim, WA

Some are, some aren't..............

Postby Niner Delta » Sun May 21, 2006 1:28 am

I don't think all of these are true, but am not going to take time to research all of them. So believe which ones you want to. :wink:


The Second World War history

The first German serviceman killed in the war was killed by
the Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman
killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940), the
highest ranking American killed was LtGen. Lesley McNair,
killed by the US Army Air Corps. So much for the allies.

The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham,
USN. He was wounded in combat and given a Dishonorable
Discharge for lying about his age. (His benefits were later
restored by act of Congress)

At the time of Pearl Harbor the top US Navy command was
called CINCUS (pronounced "sink us"), the shoulder patch of
the US Army's 45th. Infantry division was the Swastika, and
Hitler's private train was named "Amerika". All three were
soon changed for PR purposes.

More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine
Corps. While completing the required 30 missions, your
chance of being Killed was 71%.

Not that bombers were helpless. A B-17 carried 4 tons of
bombs and 1.5 tons of machine gun ammo. The US 8th Air Force
shot down 6,098 fighter planes, 1 for every 12,700 shots

Germany's power grid was much more vulnerable than realized.
One estimate is that if just 1% of the bombs dropped on
German industry had instead been dropped on power plants
German industry would have collapsed.

Generally speaking there was no such thing as an average
fighter pilot. You were either an ace or a target. For
instance Japanese ace Hiroyoshi Nishizawa shot down over 80
planes. He died while a passenger on a cargo plane.

It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every 5th
round with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a
mistake. The tracers had different ballistics so (at long
range) if your tracers were hitting the target 80% of your
rounds were missing.

Worse yet the tracers instantly told your enemy he was under
fire and from which direction. Worst of all was the practice
of loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to
tell you that you were out of ammo. This was definitely not
something you wanted to tell the enemy. Units that stopped
using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their
loss rate go down.

When allied armies reached the Rhine the first thing men did
was pee in it. This was pretty universal from the lowest
private to Winston Churchill (who made a big show of it) and
Gen. Patton (who had himself photographed in the act).

German Me-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City
but it wasn't worth the effort.

A number of air crewman died of farts.(ascending to 20,000
ft. in an unpressurized aircraft causes intestinal gas to
expand 300%).

The Russians destroyed over 500 German aircraft by ramming
them in mid-air (they also sometimes cleared mine fields by
marching over them). "It takes a brave man not to be a hero
in the Red Army" - Joseph Stalin

The US Army had more ships than the US Navy.

The German Air Force had 22 infantry divisions, 2 armor
divisions and 11 paratroop divisions. None of them were
capable of airborne operations. The German Army had
paratroops that WERE capable of airborne operations. Go

When the US Army landed in North Africa, among the equipment
brought ashore was 3 complete Coca-Cola bottling plants.

Among the first "Germans" captured at Normandy were several
Koreans. They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army
until they were captured by the Russians and forced to fight
for the Russian Army until they were captured by the Germans
and forced to fight for The German Army until the US Army
captured them.

A malfunctioning toilet sank German submarine U-120.

The Graf Spee never sank. The scuttling attempt failed and
the ship was bought as scrap by the British. On board was
Germany's newest radar system.

One of Japan's methods of destroying tanks was to bury a
very large artillery shell with only the nose exposed. When
a tank came near enough a soldier would whack the shell with
a hammer. "Lack of weapons is no excuse for defeat." -
LtGen. Mutaguchi

Following a massive naval bombardment 35,000 US and Canadian
troops stormed ashore at Kiska. 21 troops were killed in the
fire fight. It would have been worse if there had been
Japanese on the island.

The MISS ME was an unarmed Piper Cub. While spotting for the
US artillery her pilot saw a similar German plane doing the
same thing. He dove on the German plane and he and his
co-pilot fired their pistols damaging the German plane
enough that it had to make a forced landing. Whereupon they
landed and took the Germans prisoner. I don't know where
they put them since the MISS ME only had 2 seats.

Most members of the Waffen SS were not German.

The only nation that Germany declared war on was the USA.

During the Japanese attack on Hong Kong British officers
objected to Canadian infantrymen taking up positions in the
officer's mess. No enlisted men allowed you know.

Nuclear physicist Niels Bohr was rescued in the nick of time
from German occupied Denmark. While Danish resistance
fighters provided covering fire he ran out the back door of
his home stopping momentarily to grab a beer bottle full of
precious "Heavy Water". He finally reached England still
clutching the bottle. Which contained beer. I suppose some
German drank the Heavy Water.

Return to “The Funny Paper”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests